These are the things you notice when you are semi-conscious thanks to swine flu and being propelled around Belgium by well-meaning friends.

1. Brussels is a real city. It’s not one of those cute European towns like Amsterdam or Toledo or Paris where people pretend to get work done but actually just sit outside and smoke or eat ham. I could tell this by the cleanliness of the streets. Cleaner streets are correlated with shorter hours worked, in my scientific study based on exhaustive case studies. This is why New York is filthy. Brussels is on the dirtier side of clean, indicating that people probably work at least 35 hours a week.

2. Brussels’ status as a real city is further cemented by its New York-style prices. Did you know you can pay seven euros for a smoothie? You can.

3. Guidebooks sometimes mention the bizarre species of besuited ‘Eurocrats’ who fulfil a sort of dark matter role in the Brussels universe (dark matter, according to Wikipedia, is ‘hypothetical matter that is undetectable by its emitted radiation, but whose presence can be inferred from gravitational effects on visible matter’). A Bruxellian may never see a Eurocrat in a restaurant or a park, but you know they’re there. Maybe it was fever-induced delerium but I think I could sense them.

4. Bruges is almost too beautiful for words, and Brussels isn’t half bad either, at least what I managed to see.

With everyone's help, I hauled my diseased self to the Eurostar to London to crash at my aunt and uncle’s, where I am still recovering. The comfort of the familiar in no way makes up for the loss of these wonderful women’s company. As soon as I can swallow again, I’ll raise my glass of lukewarm English ale to the classiest Eurotrippers of 09: have fun, Kara for goodness’ sake put on sunscreen you will never tan, watch out for gypsies in Barcelona, love you all dearly.

- Gillian ‘the Plague’ Morris